Can Transformers 2 change into something decent?

I saw Transformers 2 over the weekend and it was the longest 2 ½ hours of my life. For real. I don’t understand what people are thinking when they do sequels. Sometimes they’re so fucking badass that you can’t remember what you loved about the original. Like The Dark Knight or Terminator 2 or even Harold & Kumar! Yes, I know. That last one was iffy. But seriously, why do they take a perfectly good movie and disgrace it by fucking up the next one?? It seems to me that a sequel is a continuance of the first movie and should be treated as such. Its not a chance for all the actors and writers and director and whoever else to be twice as ridiculous. The whole movie was double what it was the first time. Its like they’re unaware that the first one was just right. Any more of it would be too much. And that’s exactly what the sequel was – too much. There were like 75% more fight scenes which might be great if you’re a ten-year-old with ADHD because it over stimulates your senses like you wouldn’t believe. I would rather watch Benjamin Button grow young again than sit through that shit. The story was lame and even Shia’s fantastic acting skills couldn’t save it. And thank God for Megan’s sexy ass because my husband might have left half way through if it weren’t for her many cleavage shots. I read a couple of review headlines before seeing it so I was trying to prepare myself for the “black robots.” Because for real, that’s what they were intended to be. They looked like retarded Transformers and their speech patterns where beyond insulting. I don’t know what the voice over actors really look like but I’m guessing they don’t talk like that on a regular basis. It might have been slightly funny if the robots were cooler (instead of retarded) and were voiced by people like Katt Williams or Eddie Griffin. You know, people who would sound believable saying the things that came out of these robots’ mouths. It was disgusting and straight up wrong! At the end I had to pee hella bad and I had a headache because like a genius I agreed to see it in IMAX. I was thinking it was necessary after the awesomeness of the first one but instead I was left with a ringing headache and a full bladder. Ugh. That is my word for this movie: UGH!!

The Yoga Adventure

I signed up for my first Yoga class yesterday and I'm scared as hell. It's been a long, long time since I've attended an exercise class of any kind. I thought Yoga would be a good way to ease myself back in but its not just laying around and stretching. Yoga is a serious fucking work out and I'm scared to death of making an ass of myself. In most cases that is unavoidable because it's impossible for me to do anything without looking stupid but this time I'll be with my co-workers. Yup. My company hosts the class in the evenings after work. I got a friend to agree to do it with me and I admit its only because I'm sure she'll look dumber than me. My first class is on Tuesday and hopefully by then my courage will have grown into that of a normal person!!

Heed the sign, Adrianne!!!

So I ordered some Girl Scout cookies from my friend a million years ago and they just came in yesterday. I picked them up and when I got them home I realized that one of the boxes wasn't what I ordered!! I called him up (clearly he's not the girl scout, his niece is!) and asked what he had down on his order sheet. Well we go back in forth about how I said I wanted those sandwich peanut butter ones, NOT the ones with the chocolate on them and he swears I said I DID want the chocolate peanut butter ones. Well whatever. The box was $3.50. Who cares, right? So I gave the cookies away and then it occurred to me that it was a sign. That's right. I'm not into religion but I'm totally into the universe trying to tell you shit and I totally believe it was a sign that I should not be eating cookies when I am so overweight!! So I told myself, "Self, heed the sign! Stay away from cookies, Adrianne!!!"

OUCH!!!

I don't know what I did at the gym last night but I pulled a very crucial muscle. I don't know what any of them are called but its located just above the right side of my ass. Dammit!! When I got out of bed this morning I nearly fell when the muscle spazzed out! And then of course when I sat down my ass cheek cramped up and I had to try to balance on my left cheek. Attractive. I'm thinking work is a no go. Not that I'm mad at that. But damn. How do I tell my boss that I can't come in because I injured my right ass cheek?? FML.

The Goal

Every morning I wake up and think, "Fuck this!!" It's not so much that I have to wake up early. It's more that I have to do it in order to drag my ass to an office where I routinely have my soul sucked out through my ears and pretty much rot my life away in a gray cubicle. When I was a little girl I never imagined I would end up here. In fact when I first started with this particular company I was a temp and I can clearly remember sitting at a desk thinking to myself that I would die if I had to spend all my days in a place like that. And nine years later I'm still there. As a permanent employee. I have never liked the way that sounds. A permanent employee.

My company has a thing about rewarding it's loyal employees with glass paper weights and semi generous gift cards on monumental anniversaries like five, ten, fifteen, and twenty years. I have yet to see anyone have a higher anniversary than that and I thank God for it because it may cause me to run screaming from the conference room. The CEO calls your name and you have to walk up and shake his hand and he talks for a minute about your accomplishments with the company. Ugh. No thank you. My biggest issue with this, as stupid as it is, is that I can't figure out why the hell they would give us paper weights!! We reside in a building where instead of walls we have floor to ceiling windows and guess what? They don't open!!! There is no breeze in our office so why the fuck do we need paper weights???? Ugh. And when I got my $100 gift certificate at the five year mark I used it to go tanning so I could take a damn vacation from the place! Well I've been there now for nine years and I know that next year my ten year anniversary will bring another stupid paper weight and another gift card that I'll use in some trivial way. But what I would really like is to never make it to ten years. I started when I was only 22 years old and the thought of wasting another year in cubicle hell makes me want to drive off a bridge.

So what am I so scared of? What am I waiting for? I don't know! No, I do. I know. I'm afraid of losing the life that the paychecks provide. My house. My car. My security. But when you think about it, how secure is it? I mean, I could get canned any time. I'm more open to being fired than anyone else because in this economy it would be easier to fire my ass and hire someone fresh who doesn't cost quite as much. There are tons of people out there willing to do my job for a whole lot less right now. So really, how secure is my security?

The goal. The goal is to be out of there before my ten years. I don't care what I have to do. I will not spend another year in a place where every day I have to wake up and force myself to go in. I just can't.

Questioning Jane

"A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of." -Jane Austen

I do not personally make a point of questioning Jane Austen because I, like many others, believe her to have knowledge beyond my own understanding. I can often find limitless wisdom in her words but I find that in this particular instance Jane is...dare I say it? Wrong! Yes, I know. It's blasphemy. The thing is, I think that there is more to the statement than just these few words. I cannot deny that a large income would be helpful and it of course can make simple hardships disappear but I have to add one thing: it depends on how the large income is obtained. I work every single day in a lovely office building with a dark purple and grey decor that after a while makes it appear as if you've fallen into the movie Pleasantville. You know, like how it appears only some things are in color and the rest is in black and white. Its that bad. In the ladies room the design on the walls makes me dizzy to the point where I sometimes will close my eyes to stop from feeling nauseous. The point is not the crappy style of the building. That I can deal with. The point is that I spend so much damn time there. I hate the fact that I am a paper pusher and I don't ever feel like I've done anything or created anything in my near ten years there. I feel like I spend the majority of my time unhappy. My husband tries to tell me that I'm not really there that long. I don't agree. I feel like life is too short for us to spend the majority of every day in a place that makes us unhappy. This soul sucking office building does provide me with a large check that provides me with my large house and my large car and my large addiction to large Coach bags and my need for several technological devises. I say its not my fault. If Dell, Apple, and Coach would stop making such awesome products I would be totally fine. In all seriousness though, I feel like I'm trading one for the other. I can be happy and broke and live in a townhouse somewhere or I can keep my dull day job and live here in my lovely house in my lovely subdivision. How do you choose? I just don't know. I do know though that in this instance a large income does not always equal happiness. Sorry, Jane.

Marley & Me....and Dave

Let me be real honest. I had been putting this film off as long as I possibly could. My husband - David - LOVES dogs and he'd been dying to see the movie but I just didn't want to go see yet another damn animal movie. If there is a dog in the movie, David will watch it. Not too long ago he made me sit through the most recent Beethoven movie. I think it was like the 17th one in the series. Full discretion = I snored through the majority of it. Not to mention the fact that that particular breed of dog never ceases to creep me out after having seen Kujo. There is no amount of cute that can erase those images from my brain.

Anywho, David and I sat down together late Friday night and popped it in. Now I knew that if what I thought was going to happen really did happen then Davey-poo would be crying more than me. After watching him hold his breath during "that scene" in I Am Legend to avoid crying in the movie theatre so he wouldn't have to pass his man card down the aisle to my Dad who was totally unaffected, I decided it would be best to sit on the couch behind him so that he could feel free to tear up without feeling self conscious. Plus I just hate when dudes cry. Sorry. Just do.

So the movie started innocently enough with the classic boy and his dog scene and then it launched into hilarious scene after scene of the most adorable yellow labs being incredibly foolish. I laughed my ass off and I will readily admit I'm not even a dog person. I have two cats that I adore and they are the only reason we have not ran out to get my husband the dog he's been wanting for nearly ten years. But even I have to say that the dogs they chose to play Marley were so damn adorable. I was blown away by the fact that while it was a dog movie it wasn't JUST a dog movie. I fell in love with the characters as well and even though I don't imagine in real life someone who looks like Jen Aniston would ever marry someone who looks like the blonde Wilson brother (seriously, that nose!) I still felt their marital highs and lows. I felt the sadness when Jen's character (also named Jen) lost their first baby and it was a billion times more poignant when Marley brings his sweet old mug over and rests it on her knee. There is just something so precious about the way a dog will try to "be there" for you. That was just one of the many amazing scenes involving Marley that made me think that he was worth all the trouble he caused. His antics were truly hilarious and frustrating at the same time. His face was irresistible and in the end when the inevitable happened I have to tell you that any dude would cry. I had never seen a movie that went that far with an animal and it was heartbreaking. It made me think that maybe Dave does deserve that dog he's been longing for and it also made me think that I will be a straight up basket case when my kitty babies go. I am someone who is easily moved by movies but this one took me over the edge. I cried and still the painful lump in my throat would not go away. It was that real to me. I felt the love that they felt for their pet and I wondered how there are people in the world who could ever mistreat animals.

When the movie ended David and I sat in an awkward silence that ended in ridiculous laughter over the way we were so moved by a silly dog. We ended up having to watch the DVD extras just to get the sadness out of our faces and remind us that the old dog at the end of the movie really was ok. So what did I think?? I think its totally worth watching but I also think its something you have to plan for. Seriously. Tissues. Blankets. Chocolate. Privacy. As we went to bed later that night I could only thank God that we hadn't gone to see that at the theatre as we had originally intended. There is no recovering from that kind of public blubbering!!